How to Email a bad SEO Client
Step 1 - (Accidentally) copy the clientThis is the most obvious step. Whether you mean to or not, you have to first copy the bad SEO client on the email string.
Step 2 - Be directIn order to create an email for a bad SEO client, you must be direct. You must take every opportunity to state the facts and state them directly. Take all emotion out of it. Being a little frustrated will help too.
Step 3 - Threaten to Fire ThemOnce you have been direct, it's time to really drive the point home of why you're sending this email. Casually throw in the email that you recommend their project either change direction or that you just let them go.
Step 4 - (Backhand) Compliment ThemThe next step is to get a compliment in there somehow, even if it has to be a backhanded one.
Step 5 - (Attempt to) Recall the MessageOnce you realize you've got the client on this email, attempt to recall it, knowing full well that the recall feature doesn't work. So now, when your boss, your coworkers and the client see it - they also see you realized your baffling mistake when it was too late.
Step 6 - Do NothingAnd finally, now that the damage is done - do nothing. What else is there to do? You've done enough. If you email or call to apologize you just look like more of an idiot. Picture the client laughing at you at their computer, and everyone realizing it was a good thing that you sent this direct email. After all, you probably saved the client and the company a lot of time by getting the awkwardness out of the way.
The Back StoryWe had an initial call with a new client yesterday, and for some reason he thought we built links. He said a lot of different things via email and on the phone that were very confusing. He said he had a manual penalty that was removed, he said he was hit by Panda but not by Penguin. He said we were too expensive to pay us for SEO on a monthly basis, and that he figured in month 1 we would fix all the SEO the site needed; then by month 2 or 3 he would need links because that's the only way to beat his competitors.
He then goes on to talk about all the blackhat SEO he's done, the terrible SEO companies he's worked with, but how it's been reversed. He blames Google for finding and indexing pages that they shouldn't. He says he hates Google and doesn't know what they're doing and why and that's it's stupid and frustrating.
He says he doesn't just want consulting but for us to actually implement. We say sure, let us look at the back end. Then he says he has coders and he only needs us to build links and implement SEO stuff only. He says he doesn't need knowledge transfer, and asks us to tell him what we tell people because he's already heard it.
All I can think is: why are you here and what do you want?