1) Putting client on mute (on conference calls)A client might be put on mute because we're rolling eyes and cursing them. We often think it's a good thing we have conference calls instead of face to face meetings because we might be fired (or be tempted to fire the client).
2) Texting/Checking FacebookAn consultant might be multi-tasking because the client won't stop talking or whining, and they'd rather be on a social media site then participate in this conversation. Or they might be so bored of meaningless conversations (i.e. you don't do what I tell you) because they have the same one over and over.
3) Have someone else in conference roomAn consultant might ask someone else to join a meeting because the client is either a liar or consultant needs another perspective of the client's stupidity. Consultants know when bad SEO clients don't do what they've suggested and know when you're making up a story to get out of doing the hard work needed to see results.
4) Day dreaming (about a better SEO client)A consultant might be day dreaming during a conference call because the client is so annoying, or making excuses for not doing what is suggested. They often claim to *want to do SEO, but are constantly fighting the system. At this point the client is on their way to being fired if the consultant can afford to lose the business. Sometimes it's so bad, we count down the days to the end of the bad SEO client agency relationship.
5) Blind copying (or forwarding) client emails to other individualsConsultants might blind copy or forward client emails to someone else in the organization or to others at the client's because they're still lying (refer back #3 ), and they need to show the decision makers the zero progress that's being made. Ultimately, the bad SEO client's lack of attention to the project is costing the consultant valuable time to work with another client.
6) Turning a Client in for SpammingA client just might've made their life even harder once a consultant has proof they bought links while working with the agency. Now they've really pissed off an agency once it's been lied about it. Do they think the hired expert won't be able to figure it out? Refer back to #1. Consultants curse clients for being stupid and trying to hide it.
7) Yes, There Are Stupid QuestionsAs mentioned above, bad SEO clients make stupid mistakes. Your mom might have told you that there is no such thing as a stupid question, but consultants know better than that and the client should too. And no--one small implementation is not going to sky rocket the site to position 1. This problem comes from untrained clients.
As the opening sentence says, this is a "made up study", but there's nothing really made up about these tales. These views are soley based on experience and opinions. However, to be fair - these are tales of the less desirable clientele - THE BAD SEO CLIENTS!