Bad SEO Client - Asshat SEO - Ego is a bitch

Today I'd like to remember a fallen SEO - wait - he didn't deserve the title of an "SEO". But he was surely an extremely bad seo client. This guy had no idea what he was doing AND he was an asshole; thus he was named asshat. He dug his own grave and his downfall was a huge victory! 

I'd like to call this installment "ego is a bitch" because I have so much material to share on this egotistical jack ass. It was clear he had a big ego early on - way too big for his 5 foot 5 inch frame.

Rewind to early 2011, and this guy was in charge of a one month redesign project. The company prior to us had completely fucked up their one of many attempts to redesign and came crying back to us to fix it. I've learned this is a normal process for asshats. The husband-wife owners are the sweetest people alive, but they are also the dumbest internet people I've ever known - they are ignorant to the fullest and unfortunately for them, they are constantly getting screwed over and making terrible decisions for their website. 

The website gets launched extremely quickly without a lot of hiccups and they're jazzed. I go through the project with asshat for several months, and didn't notice his weird forceful antics - probably because I'm just as forceful. Then he began to complain about their lead capture form, complain about not getting email leads, complain about conversion, and complain about the VP of sales breathing down his neck. How do you tell a client everything they chose to go live with was terrible? That was their problem. They had a shitty form that asked too much information, they never planned properly for a call-to-action, and didn't ask the correct vendors to fix things (i.e. email server issues). Of course, all things that we are supposed to deal with but asshat thought he knew everything.

This was just the beginning of the madness, but exactly where it all started. I remember it got so bad to the point that they took it upon themselves to redesign the call-to-action. They had no idea what they were doing and stupidly we let them do it because asshat was so demanding. We got back control of the CTA, but asshat was still whining about conversions and forcing us to talk to the VP of sales. To this day, I have no idea why he kept making us answer to a sales guy.

Enter problem #1: Ego
I invited the sales guy to a meeting, because duh - asshat asked us to talk to him. Why was that such a problem? I don't know, but I will include what asshat wrote me right after that meeting: